


Once In a Blue Moon

by honeycombme



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Adam Driver - Freeform, Coffee, Embarrassment, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff and Smut, Hot, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Loss of Virginity, Medical, Nurse - Freeform, Sex, Star Wars - Freeform, Wounds, Yikes, flirt, french press, med bay, shower, tease
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:26:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14850146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeycombme/pseuds/honeycombme
Summary: Ever since you were taken from the rebellion, you have done damn near everything to fly under everyone on this ships radar. You were hidden away in the med bay while everyone was sleeping. You rarely had any patient's come in emergently, that is, until he did.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an unfinished "imagine" bit but i figured I could share a little smut/fluff with fellow perv nerds. Lemme know if you want anymore and I'll write something up!

And so it goes.

  
The hum of the ship creates subtle vibrations throughout every corner and you can’t escape the white noise, even as you turn up the volume in your headphones. When you feel this way, the only thing that really helps is music. You have spent so much down time examining the white and gray walls that contain you. You might be tired if you turned the lights off but what’s the point? Your mind is going a million lightyears a second and you’re slightly inconsolable.  
It was perfect. He was perfect. Everything that you had imagined, daydreamed, wished upon…it happened. It was so completely wrong but it was beautiful and you couldn’t take your mind off of it, no matter how much you want to to forget about it.

  
~  
Kylo swept through halls of the ship like walking was as light as breathing. His heavy boots sent drum beats through every nook and cranny, forcing everyone to be aware of his presence. But they were all scared…I had been scared too…

  
The soft beeps of vital signs machines became like a comforting song to me during your time in the med bay. You always loved the graveyard shift. Patients are sleeping sweetly and you can sit there and dream about where you want to be and who you might be there with…The nights are always so predictable and easy. You let a couple of buttons on your white blouse loose. “Why do nurses wear white?” you thought as you pushed the plunger down on your French press. Coffee had become your best friend at night, so you thought of yourself as quite the enthusiast these days. You pulled a ceramic mug from a cabinet behind the desk and turned your back from the door as you poured the sultry smelling liquid. Like a gunshot, the automatic doors seemed to boom open. You jerked your hand, startled and spattered coffee onto your white uniform.  
“Shit!” you yelled instinctively.

  
You put the French press down carefully and turned to see who had triggered the opening of the door.  
There stood the deafening statue of a man at the entryway. He was not cool and calculated as usual. His breath seemed labored beneath his heavy black cloak and his head hung slightly lowered. You tugged at the edges of your white skirt, pulling the synthetic material as low as possible, embarrassed that you were spotted with stains.

  
“Apologies, Master Ren, for my appearance. The noise startled me and-“

  
You look at the tall mass of black at the entryway and begin to realize he is not there to intimidate you. You step out from the nurses station hesitantly to move a bit closer.

  
“Master Ren is there something I can help you with?” you asked, your voice slightly shaking.

  
Just then, Kylo Ren’s hand came to his rib and he leaned against the entryway for support. Every breath he took seemed to pull much effort from him and you ran to assist him to sit down. Your heels tapped softly as you swept to his side but he held up his hand to stop you from coming closer.

  
“I do not need you to carry me, just show me to a room where you can treat me” he said softly through his mask.

  
You turned on your heel. “Right this way master ren.”

  
You led him past a few closed doors to the end of the hallway where the command hospital quarters were located. You unlocked the door with the chip implanted in your wrist by the Order. You were the only healer they had not murdered back at the rebellion base. They needed you, but you realized you were dispensable if you did not play all of your cards right.

  
The door whooshed open to stunning views of the galaxy you were floating through. The room faced a moon that cast blue light in the room, creating a somewhat dreamy atmosphere. The automatic fluorescent lights clicked on and a neat, queen sized hospital bed appeared, never having been disturbed.

  
“Master ren, this will be your quarters during your stay” you stated mechanically. “What is it that I might help you with?”

  
Kylo ren walked slowly toward the bed and lowered himself onto the edge. You felt the wind from the automatic door as it closed shut.  
“Master Ren-“

  
“Y/N…correct?”

  
“Yes, y/n” you validated quizzically.

  
“Well, y/n, I have been injured and I need you to heal me. But in order to do that, I must remove my clothing. I will need you to remove something lodged in between my rib cage” he stated robotically through his mask.

  
“Absolutely sir, please remove your outer garments and I will be back in momentarily to take a look at you.”

  
You stepped through the mechanical door behind you and swung around the corner. You aligned your body, flush with the wall as you heard the door close swiftly. You let out a shaky breath and began to imagine what could go wrong. You had mended so many wounds on so many souls yet this one terrified you. It’s not that you weren’t capable, it’s that your hands were trembling out of fear and you were not sure how you could hide it once you were face to face with the man who destroyed your home…

  
You walked towards the nurses station, legs feeling like gelatin and took a healthy gulp of your coffee, careful not to spill anymore on yourself. You opened a medicine cabinet to your right and pulled out some sterile equipment to use on your patient. You put on a lab coat to cover the coffee stains and pulled your hair into a messy braid, hands trembling as you tied the knot at the end. It had been about 6 minutes since you left Kylo in the room, which you thought a sufficient amount of time to take clothes off.  
You took a deep breath and began to walk towards the end of the hallway.

  
Pausing outside the door to listen for any noises, you placed your wrist against the validator and it whooshed open once more.

  
The room was still beautiful, still clean, and the bed, undisturbed.

  
“M-Master Ren?”

  
From around the corner came a tall man wearing black pants, no shirt, and definitely no helmet. His hair fell in slight curls around his chiseled face and his eyes were dark as night. Beads of sweat were running from his forehead to his cheekbones and he held a hand over his wound.

  
“Please, sir, lie down so I may treat you” you pleaded, acting like the concerned and impartial nurse you were meant to be.

  
“You’re nervous. I need you to be calm” he demanded. “Your thoughts are so loud and terrified…I need you to stop.”

  
“I-I ehm….i apologize sir…” My thoughts are loud?

  
You walked towards the bed and pulled the covers back. You began you flatten any creases you saw as Kylo ren dropped his pants on the floor. Careful not to turn and look directly at him, you stepped aside and gestured for him to lie down.

  
You turned around quickly as he advanced toward the bed and you began to turn on machines and monitors. You washed your hands in the sink beside the x-ray monitor and you attempted to clear your mind.

  
Red hot chili peppers, green, coffee, yoga, sex. Sex? Really, y/n? That’s what’s going to calm you down?

  
Your hands were raw from how much you were scrubbing them, and the water you left running became too hot for you as you yanked your hand back. You were definitely not keeping your cool. A few strands of hair fell out of your braid and around your face. He’s JUST another patient.

  
You placed your hands into the sterilization machine and voila. So you turned around.

  
There he was, propped up against the bed. Looking determined to not appear human, but in too much pain to make it convincing.

  
Deep breaths. You walked over with a small, handheld device that would be able to exactly locate the lodged item. You pulled up a chair and sat with your legs closed tightly.

  
“Sir, I have to search for the item lodged between your ribs. I would like to know if you request any pain relief?”

  
“Yes.” He snapped.

  
“Absolutely, sir” you obliged. You reached toward a syringe that you had placed on the bedside table as you were readying his area before. You read the label of the numbing agent and verified the amount of liquid. You pulled the safety lid like a samurai sword and turned to look at his injury.

  
His eyes bore into you, judging hotly and seeming reluctant. You tried to force an upward turn of your lips to conceal your nervousness. Your sterilized hands were cold, but everything in the room was warm. You inched near his bare skin with the needle, and placed a steadying hand on his lower ribcage. His skin burned hot beneath your chilled hands, yet you welcomed the comforting heat. He flinched at your touch but relaxed as the needle came closer. Piercing his dewy skin, he hissed at the sting and stared as the skin beneath turned yellow. This numbing agent would cease pain in the area of his wound for 24 hours. The initial sting is always the worst, then there is nothing. You looked up without moving your working hand, still plunging medicine into his skin, and saw him biting his lip and still fixed on the area of his skin that surely was becoming numb.

  
“Any relief, sir?”

  
He unclenched his jaw and swallowed back his uncertainty. “Yes, yes much better. Please continue.”

  
You carefully pulled the needle from his skin and placed the safety lid back on it, careful not to stab yourself. You set down the syringe which still had some numbing agent back on the bedside table. There was a tiny dot of blood appearing at the sight of the needle puncture, but right above was the black and blue contusion of his wound. There was weirdly not much blood for having been impaled by something…perhaps the pressure was holding off the flow….

  
You began to feel more at ease, as he began to relax his muscles.

  
“Thank you” he said, unexpectedly.

  
You looked up at him, the sweat now drying on his glossy forehead.

  
“It is no trouble” you said, trying to appear confident.

  
“I know what you think of me, it is all too easy to hear the minds in this med bay” he proclaimed.

  
You blushed, unsure of what he felt he knew.

  
“Well sir, I can assure you no matter how I feel, I give the same treatment.”

  
“Really” he began, “do you braid your hair for all of your patients?” You looked back to his face. There was a slight smirk on his full lips and you began to notice how beautiful the tone of his skin was.

  
“That was to ensure that my hair is out of the way, sir” you concocted. Why DID you braid your hair? You internally waved the thoughts from your brain that was clearly being invaded.

  
“Of course” he retorted; and he removed his gaze from you to the ceiling. You swore you could have seen his finger twitch beneath the covers or a flush in his cheek.

  
“Next, I need to locate the depth of the punctured item. If at any point you feel sharp pain, let me know so I can numb the area more thoroughly” you stated. It was a surprise to you how much you had kept your cool. You reached for the whirring device to your left on the side of the bed. Holding it gingerly over black and blue skin, you watched the x-ray screen to locate the item. And there it was…

  
Needle like but long and slightly bent was the weapon that has punctured Kylo Ren. It seemed something alien, for sure, but to wonder would be to invite him in more…The weapon was barely pressing against his lung, causing some sure discomfort during inhalation.

  
“It doesn’t hurt anymore” he reassured you.

“Well…ok…wonderful” you came up with.

  
“I like the braid” he stated, “it suits you. You always appear very well groomed, but the braid is messy and seems more natural.” His voice dripped with honey. Was Kylo Ren flirting?

  
“You’ve seen me before, sir?” You hadn’t realized he ever paid attention to you. It’s not as if he stuck around to make small talk before, you believed that you were scum in his eyes based on your prior allegiances.

  
“Not really” he answered your thoughts.

  
“Sir, pardon if this is out of line, but please do not read my thoughts” you boldly requested.

  
Kylo smiled crookedly this time, revealing milky white teeth making his lips more blushed than before.

  
“I don’t READ thoughts…besides, you might as well be screaming your feelings.”

  
The x-ray device was still placed over his wound and your arm became slightly tired from holding it there for this awkward exchange. “The next step is to remove the item in the intercostal space…this may produce a flow of blood to which I am prepared to clot. Again, any sharp pain-“

  
“Just do what you have to do, y/n.”

  
You looked back to his face, for a split second and he was no longer looking at you.

  
You placed the x-ray device back down beside him and got up from your chair to retrieve a scalpel and gauze. Your heels tapped sweetly against the floor as you walked to the glove station. Extra small, extra small, extra small…Aha. You must have been the only person to ever need extra small gloves in this med bay, for there was only one unopened box. You pulled out two gloves and placed the box at the highest part of the station, feeling your calves flex as you made yourself taller. You felt eyes on you…felt them surveying every inch and began to arch your back slightly…

  
And back down to earth, well, figuratively anyways. What the hell was going on with you tonight?

  
With all your supplies in hand, you geared up for the procedure and sat back down, careful again to keep your legs closed and proper. Kylo ran his right hand through his hair and kept his left side still. He propped his right arm behind his head and turned to you again.

  
“You’re trying to hate me and stay distant. This is how everyone treats me. I know what I am, I know who I am. I realize what I have done. I am injured and asking for treatment from someone whose life I destroyed. I can appreciate your loathing. All the same, thank you for your assistance.”  
You relaxed your shoulders.

  
“Sir, I am not sure of what to say,” you stammered a bit. “I treat all who come through those doors regardless of what they have done. That is the oath I took when I became a nurse.” You realized that you had begun to look at the floor so you brought you chin back to parallel with the floor and brought your gaze to his. His brown eyes, seemingly black before, now resembled warm amber. Though bloodshot and weary they were inexplicably beautiful and haunting. Somehow you couldn’t hate the man lying in the bed before you. Maybe it was that he was not wearing the cloak and the mask, so therefore it is not the same person. It was easy to forget who he really was, and that made you nervous.

  
“Please…” he began. “Talk to me like I’m a person.”

“Absolutely as you wish, sir-“

  
“Kylo.” He interjected.

  
“Ehm…yes, Kylo” you obliged.

  
You had not realized before but your body had ceased to hum with nerves and dread. Your cheeks felt flush from the heat in the room and you could feel perspiration creeping down the ridges of your spine. All in one moment, you were burning up.

  
“Pardon me” you blurted as you removed the lab coat that you had donned prior to entering the room.

  
“Sorry about that” smiled Kylo as he scanned my white uniform speckled with coffee stains.

  
“It’s nothing to be sorry about, I was thinking only moments before you arrived how irresponsible it is to make a nurses uniform all white. Just doesn’t make sense” you shrugged your shoulders and felt the muscles in your cheek form a smile. It came natural. In the moment you felt relief from the heat, you remembered the undone buttons on your blouse which revealed the small cleavage that you had. The heat in your cheeks was overwhelming.

  
“Now” you snapped, “I have to make an incision about one inch in width and depth to be able to pry the item out. I will move as steadily and slowly as possible to not disrupt nearby tissue, but prepare for there to be blood.” You handed him a few folds of gauze to mop up anything that might run down his torso as you held the scalpel steady. You focused all of your attention to the black and blue area that needed your mending. With swift and practiced hands, you bore down the scalpel into his supple skin and into his intercostal space. The congealed blood from the bruise stayed put but you saw the tip of the needle like item that had injured him. Quickly you grabbed the medical tweezers and secured the item, slowly pulling on it, up and out.

  
Kylo hissed through his teeth and his eyes had shut tight.  
“Master Re- Kylo, is it sharp?” you quickly corrected yourself.

  
He nodded a bit and you set down the scalpel to replace it with the syringe. You undid the safety lid with careful maneuvering of your fingers while keeping the item secured with the tweezers. You pushed the needle into the now open space that you created with your scalpel.

  
“The numbing will enter deeper this way” you apprised.  
He nodded again, but this time his brow was furrowed and he was looking at you. You moved your eyes from his quickly and looked back down to the syringe. You used the rest of the numbing on him, just to be safe.

  
“Very sorry” you muttered.  
“I like how you move over me like this” he admitted.

  
The blood in your body pulled straight to your face and surprisingly, straight between your legs. He DEFINITELY was flirting with me now. This is fucked up?  
You pulled the needle from him and placed it on the bedside table. Standing back a bit now, you focused back on his wound, unable to cool your fiery cheekbones. The longing you felt below your waist was not something you were prepared for in a situation like this. You found yourself now looking over his torso. His chest, which you now realized, was built like a marble statue. Muscles twitched in him now and again, bringing your attention to his arms that were like tree trunks. Unbelievable, y/n. Get your fucking head in the game.

  
The tweezers moved steadily, revealing a slate black needle like structure that had pierced Kylo’s ribs. Kylo did not wince or hiss again, no, he kept his eyes fixed on your face. You saw him from your peripheral vision as you pulled the item out further. Once the length of the weapon was nearly out, you instructed Kylo to put pressure on the area as soon as it was out.

  
He readied the gauze and you pulled. Blood oozed out at first, thick and tar like. Kylo mopped it up as you went to place the item on a lab tray. When you looked back, Blood was running from the wound, fiery red and intent upon desertion. You grabbed a clotting tincture instinctively from the suture kit near the scalpels and ran to him. You grabbed some bed sheet and pushed the cloth down on his ribs with your weight, not realizing your tits were practically in his face. CHRIST.

  
You felt a massive hand meet your waist. The feeling between your legs became unbearable and you nearly lost your balance. Another hand at your twisted hip. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  
“Shit, Kylo, I’m sorry” you said as you pulled back some weight from his would. The tincture you grabbed had rolled on the bed towards his feet. You turned back to reach for it and noticed an unmistakable bulge beneath the sheets. Flustered, more than you’d ever been before, you began shaking once more. Pulling back the sheets of bloody cotton, you revealed the tiny but ferocious wound. Blood only oozed as you popped open the tincture and allowed four or five drops to escape. The clear liquid separated itself from the blood and you could see it fall into the wound. Then, the blood ceased to flow.

  
You didn’t realize that you had quit breathing, praying to Gods that this completely fucking weird situation would become normal. You took in a sharp breath and Kylo noticed.  
“It’s ok, y/n, it’s really ok” he cooed, pulling the sopping sheets to the side. Once you realized his right hand was no longer on your waist, you sprung up to grab a healing tincture and the suture kit from the other side of the room. You realized your nerves were pulsing through you in an unusual way now, less fear but more excitement. Your body was betraying your every attempt to become indifferent and get the job done. You remembered the way you felt when his eyes were on you, from your heels the back of your head. You spun around to see him with his right arm behind his head once again. The sheets had been balled up and thrown on the floor; and there he was, in his black boxer briefs that seemed to scream for more room at the center between his legs. Your eyes drifted from there to his legs, strong and carved into masterpieces. Then his eyes, his eyes were no longer smirking. His eyes were searching, longing, and terrified. Your breasts heaved against your uniform and your pulse sent you jolting. You walked over to his bedside and sat down gently, careful not to drop or misplace any items you carried over.

  
“I’ll get you more blankets, sir.”

  
“Kylo” he said again, sweetly.

  
“K-Kylo.” Your stutter gave away your position and he relaxed his brows a bit.

  
“Do your magic” he stated with a slight upturn of his mouth, and brought his gaze to his wound and your unsteady hand.

  
You grasped the healing tincture and dropped a liberal amount onto his injury, some spilling onto his sides and chest. You grabbed the suture kit and threaded the wire through the needle you were about to use.

  
“Why do you work at night?” he asked, furrowing his brow again.

  
You began to get to work, automatically falling into your practiced routine of patching up wounds.

  
“I like the peace of it all, I guess.”

  
“Not a very peaceful night for you though, I expect” he proclaimed with an air of humor to his authoritative voice.

  
You let out a chuckle at this. Normally, you would be sitting at the nurses station drinking your coffee, doing crossword puzzles or writing if you had time.

  
“No” you admitted, “this hasn’t been your run-of-the-mill evening…but I think I’m ok with that.” You looked up from the sutures to meet his gaze, pieces of his black hair wriggling out of his grip and onto his cheek. You smiled and looked back down.

  
“What do you write?”  
He was in my head again.

  
“Eh, I used to read a lot of poetry. It’s all very dramatic and abstract. It makes me feel like I’m not enclosed in a space capsule. So I like to write poetry. Or attempt to that is.” You glanced at him to try and read his reaction, and were traumatized to see him looking at you sweetly.

  
“Dramatic, yes.” He didn’t look away from you. “Beautiful…definitely. Abstract…people can be abstract, do you agree?” When he spoke, it was almost like he whispered.  
You closed the final loop of sutures in his skin and clipped the excess. Placing the kit on the bedside table, you turned back to him.

  
“People are more abstract than anything in the galaxy. People change the course of futures, decisions, lives. People love to think and yet are burdened with thought and confliction and all the other humanly problems-“

  
“Humanly problems” he repeated, “and what would those be?”

  
You looked to the notch between his collar bones.

  
“Problems like…like hatred. Problems like sadness or nerves or, or, or love. Lust, even.” You stammered.

  
You looked back up and realized how full his mouth was, and how badly you wanted to press your lips against his.  
He did not smile, or smirk or wince. He just looked at you. Looked IN you.

  
You felt your pulse move your body rhythmically as a sort of silence began. You couldn’t break his gaze, didn’t want to. Out of your peripheral vision you saw his right hand move and felt it rest on the small of your back.

You snapped to and stood.

  
“Let me get you a new sheet, sir.” You had become robotic again. What were you DOING?  
For the fraction of a second you had stood there and looked at Kylo Ren, you had realized again how absolutely gorgeous his whole body was. His entire frame was just unreal. And as you turned on your heel for the 80th time, you closed your eyes and saw his. His full lips, freckles placed like stars upon his face, his dark dramatic hair gracing his cheekbones and his eyes. Fuck!

  
You went into the supply closet attached to the room and closed the door without thinking. There, lay Kylo’s clothes. His boots, cloaks and helmet. You felt a pang of hatred for the clothing you looked at but remembered why you had gone in there. You pressed your back into the cold wall, closed your eyes and breathed. You opened your eyes and saw the supply of linens and pulled out a fresh white sheet, folded perfectly.

  
You took a deep breath before you opened the door. As you pulled it open, there was Kylo, still in his boxers, sitting upright at the edge of the bed.  
They both exchanged glances and you gestured that you had a fresh sheet. He stood up to allow you to make up the bed, and you hadn’t remembered how small he made you feel. You went on, busying yourself to tidy the bed, tucking in areas and pulling back others. When you were satisfied, you stepped back and gestured for him to lay back down. He moved with fluidity, ease. He propped up some pillows behind his head and pulled the covers over himself.

  
You began cleaning up the room, beginning with throwing out the blood soaked sheet. It was eerily silent between the two of you.  
After about ten minutes of cleaning, sanitizing and drying, you ran out of things to do. All of the sudden, you felt exhaustion.

  
“What’s wrong?” he cooed.  
You leaned against the sink, your back still turned to him.  
“I don’t know, I’m feeling a bit exhausted. Nothing I’m sure that you don’t feel right now” you stated bluntly.

  
“How do you assume how I feel?” he asked, sounding a bit offended.  
“I didn’t mean to offend-“  
“Not offended” he said plainly, “but do you want to know?”

  
You turned to face him.  
“Want to know what?” you asked.

  
“How I feel right now.” He looked serious, calculated. His voice was steady but his bottom lip shook.

  
“I don’t know that I understand.” You didn’t understand. Here he is, the brute. The monster in the galaxy. The slayer, the jedi killer, the-  
“Stop thinking that, right now” he demanded. “Come here.”

  
You didn’t skip a beat. He said come, and your body moved. Magnetic, he was. Indescribable the feeling was, but you cared for him at this moment. More than a nurse cares for her patient, but care as you would with a lover.

  
Your body floated to him, the only sound was your heels tapping the hard ground on your way to his side. You didn’t have any thoughts, you just obliged. And it felt so good…  
“Give me your hand,” he reached out.

  
You sat at the edge of the bed once more, relinquishing the rights to your left hand as he took it with his steady right hand. You glanced from your hand to his face and saw him become alive. He closed his eyes and brought your hand to his face, holding it against his cheek sweetly. Eyes still closed, he turned his face to kiss this inside of your palm.

  
Your body ignited. You became aware of every sensation in your hand, your breasts, and your body. He opened his eyes and turned them to you. The moment you locked eyes was indescribable. You were Kylo Ren and he was you. You could feel both of your pulses, both erratic and strong, begin to sync with one another. You were in his head. All you could see is a starry night sky. Comets shooting through the darkness creating echoes of light in your vision. You felt human. You felt grief, physical pain, anxiety, anger and strongest of all, at this moment, lust.

  
He was human, he was beautiful and you had to have him.

  
He heard this, felt this. Jolts of pleasurable excitement ran through your body that you couldn’t see.  
One moment you were a starry night sky, the next you were a nurse wearing a tight white uniform sitting at the side of her patient, chest heaving like you’d just had an orgasm.  
Wait….did you?

  
You squirmed slightly on the spot and felt how wet your panties had become.

  
Coming back to the reality you were now in, you slowly looked up to see Kylo, his eyelids heavy from everything but exhaustion. A century went by looking into each other’s eyes. Finally, you made a move to get up and yet with one swift movement, Kylo’s arms were around you.  
His left arm swept under your thighs on the bed and pulled you into an embrace. You were crumpled into his body, your head resting on his chest.

“Careful-“

  
“Shhhhh, sweet thing” he whispered.  
You felt his massive hands move up your legs. The panty hose they forced you to wear with the uniform concealed the goosebumps he left in his wake.  
His mountainous hands kept on, ruffling the fabric of your uniform at your thighs, then he stopped at your ass, groping sweetly.  
You had never been comfortable with anyone touching your whole body this way. You have always had a bit extra on your body to work with and in this position, all crumpled up, it showed.

  
His hands moved from your ass to the notch between your collar bones. He traced a line with his index finger to your tiny cleavage. You were starting to feel embarrassed, that this gorgeous man would be disappointed at what you had to offer. He brought his thumb to join his finger and tugged lightly at your blouse. Somehow, he managed to unbutton your uniform with ease and his hand met your waist. Paralyzed by his touch, he located the zipper covered by fabric on your skirt. Every movement he made, you felt throughout your whole body.

  
He opened the seam of the skirt with his thumb and index finger to reveal the high-waisted panty hose.  
He growled in the back of his throat.

  
From this coddling, crumpled position, he gently placed his hands under your arms and moved you to lie on your back. In this same movement, he caged you in your thighs between each of his as he kneeled.

  
“Kylo-“ you pleaded. It’s not like you knew what you were going to say, maybe you just liked saying his name.  
He licked his lips as you squirmed a bit beneath him.

  
You felt another wave of pleasure run through you, more heat rising in your belly.

  
He methodically pulled off your pantyhose, your skirt going with it. His chest heaved as he got closer and closer to undressing you completely. You coincidentally wore matching underwear that day, which seemed like a major win in this situation. He smiled as he heard your thought.

  
“They’re both mine now” he proclaimed.

  
He bent down once more to pull off your panties. As he slid them down, redness swelled in his cheeks. After he pried them off of your ankle, he knelt at full height and you saw his longing. A vein pulsing at his waistband; and that waistband stretching to its limit with the fullness of his cock.  
You felt blood rush to your cheeks, neck, and bosom.

  
He made another noise in his throat. His hands glided from the bones at your hip to the space between your breasts.  
Grasping at your skin and your bra with need, he let out little groans of pleasure. You remembered that your body could move, and you brought your hand to guide his in undoing the front clasp of your bra. He was fixed on his hand and yours when the bra gave way and snapped open beneath his hand. Your breasts bounced as the bra released constriction and he began to grind his cock into your thigh.

  
He looked into your eyes, needy but sure. And suddenly he realized.

  
You had been holding your virginity for someone that you loved, and loved you back; but in this moment there was no one else in the universe. Kylo heard that. He quit rocking his pelvis into you and sat up, still straddling your thigh.

  
His lip was trembling and his chest was flushed.

  
“Do you want this?” he asked without inflection.

  
The way your body was responding to his touch let you know you were ready.

  
“Yes,” you gave him, breathless, “more than anything.” It was true, you had never felt such an animal magnetism to anything or anyone.  
“More than life itself?” he asked.

  
Just as he asked, invisible hands grasped your throat and pressed down on your jugular. Unable to breathe and panic quickly rising, he licked his thumb and started rubbing gentle circles into your clit.

  
If you could have moaned, you would have. All the anxiety of the whole night was culminating between your legs. Fear and frustration welled up inside you alongside this sickening pleasure. Your vision began to blur with white and black stars. Even the sound of his thumb working circles into your wet skin was fading. Then the pressure released around your neck and you gasped for air. Blood pushed forcefully back into your head and your cheeks became redder than ever. Then you looked up with tears in your eyes at this terrifying man giving you such waves of pleasure. He licked his lips once more and that was it. You had never felt anything like it before. Your body was shuddering beneath his touch and you couldn’t breathe. The feeling of the orgasm that Kylo had given you was unlike anything in the galaxy. Your pulse was between your legs, forcing more cum each heartbeat. You were soaking the bed sheets..

  
You were sweating, Kylo was sweating. He glistened against the fluorescent lights. Just at that thought, he looked out to the moon in view and shattered the overhead light, protecting us both from shards of glass that went everywhere with the force.

  
The moon cast him in blue light and created dark shadows in the room. It was as if there was a spotlight on him and this show was for me.  
Kylo moved slowly to sit on the bed, propped up by the pillows from before.

  
I missed him. Missed his body lording over mine. As he sat, my body rolled over to be towards him.

  
His cock was still struggling against the bonds of his boxers. He ran a hand through his hair again, this time it stuck as it was dewy with sweat.

  
He looked at my body then to my face. There was something terrified in him. But why? How could he be scared when I was the one that just got force choked?

  
“I’m scared because…I’ve never been this close to anyone. In my mind, or in proximity,” stated Kylo. He looked down to my body and his cock twitched.  
You felt a wave of need for him.

  
His lips were pouty and slack. He brought his hand to his boxers and jerked his cock once through the fabric and looked into your eyes.  
You hadn’t needed any instructions. You propped yourself up and crawled onto his body. His hands left his body and came to meet yours.  
“Pull them down,” you demanded, “I want to see you.”

  
Without breaking eye contact, Kylo lifted his hips and pulled off the constricting boxers, wiggling his legs to try and shake them down further past his reach. You looked back and saw his legs still inside the boxers as they laid against his shins. Bringing your gaze back to him, you looked down. Straddling Kylo’s lap, you saw his thick, needy cock between your two bodies. He was looking at you with fear and lust in his eyes as your hands came from their resting place to meet his throbbing and rock hard cock.  
You didn’t really know what you were doing but you had to grab him with two hands as you tugged gently. His hands swam behind you to hold your ass while you played with him. A warm wet feeling returned with a vengeance between your legs and you knew it was time. Reaching between your body, you felt yourself. When your hand returned it was covered in warm, viscous fluid. You instinctively used this to coat the head of Kylo’s penis. He closed his eyes and threw his head back in pleasure.  
As soon as your wetness was all over him, you lifted your hips and scooted your body closer to him. Then, moving very methodically, you began to sit back.  
You wrapped your hand around the back of his neck and used your other hand to hold your own ass as you sat back. You looked behind you and saw Kylo’s hand move to meet yours on your ass. You looked so good from this view, owning this man beneath you.

  
You turned back to look at him and the sight made you lose yourself. Kylo’s mouth was gaping, his breath coming in quick gasps. His eyes were half closing when you decided you couldn’t hold out any longer. You took his face in your hands and kissed his open mouth, which quickly closed around your lips.  
The feeling of his stinging hot lips against yours sent wetness directly through you, and you collapsed onto him.

  
Sharp pressure and pain set your head on fire. Kylo’s eyes widened for a moment as his full length had entered you. You didn’t move. Holding your breath you used the strength of your shaking legs to lift you up when Kylo’s hand nervously gripped between your thigh and ass to help support you. Sitting back again, a little less harshly, he let out a loud groan. This fueled you to sit further on his cock and he gasped. Both of Kylo’s hands were now on your body, groping and pushing you down then pulling you up. He was slick with your fluid and slid in and out with ease. He began to buck his hips at you when you felt him harden even more. He had thrown his head back and closed his eyes when he propped up completely, looking terrified. He looked at your breasts, bouncing in his face as he forced you up and down when his mouth opened and he let out a sweet little moan. He gripped your body hard, so hard he might leave bruises. He moved forward to press his face into your chest and his breath was rapid, as was yours.  
The sting of his size between your legs was searing, but you loved the pressure of him.

  
Just at this thought, Kylo began to pant, gripping tighter when you felt a tremendous throb inside you. Kylo was whimpering as your body moved rhythmically up and down on him. He was trembling harder than ever and sweat ran down his forehead. You began to feel a stinging hot feeling inside, but it was not pain.  
You slowed your movements to look at him. He would not peel away from your chest, holding your body as tight as he could.  
His hands stopped your body from rising. He slowly looked up, panting, swallowing his little whimpers.  
The blue light of the moon cast his face into clear view.

  
“What is it?” you panted.

  
“I-I couldn’t stop it,” he cooed, “I’ve never felt so good. Never.” With your arms still around his neck, he nuzzled his forehead into your chest.  
Just then the realization hits you.

  
Kylo wrapped his arms around you and swung his legs to hang off of the bed. He stood up, still holding you, his cock still buried inside you. He turned back toward the bed and laid you down carefully. Kneeling over you, he slowly pulled out his length, hissing through his teeth with pleasure.  
You felt it, hot and sticky, following his exit. Your braid had become disheveled in this whole encounter, and the loose hairs stuck to your forehead with sweat. You propped your legs up at the edge of the bed and dared to allow a hand to reach down to feel it.

  
You were swollen, hot, and wet with both of your fluids. The stabbing pain of his penetration was sneaking up on your body and you whimpered. Kylo was still standing over you, one hand grasping his own hair and the other placed above his naval.  
The moonlight danced over his pale yet rugged features. He slowly lowered himself on the bed and laid next to you.  
Was it minutes or hours that went by next to each other?  
~  
“Sh-shower, maybe?” you suggested.

  
Kylo smirked, both of you returning to normal breathing.  
He reached out a hand and you rocked forward to meet it with yours.

  
You felt a bit shelled out, so standing didn’t come as it naturally would. He felt your knees give a bit and wrapped his arm around you for support. You were still wearing your blouse and bra. He remedied this and pulled off your clothes one arm at a time. Now you were both naked, nothing to hide. You glanced over in the direction of the bathroom and he slowly spun you around and walked you over. As you entered the bathroom, the automatic light came on. It was not fluorescent like the others, but warm and glowy. It made his body look even better, which you didn’t know was possible.

  
He turned on the standing shower and steam began to billow from the top.

  
“Ladies first,” he half spoke, half whispered. He swallowed again, nervously.

  
You walked forward, unsure of what any of this meant as he followed you in, the shower much roomier than you imagined. Towering over you, he placed his arm against the shower tile to steady himself. All of the hot water was cascading over your body. Every part of you needed this. He took his hands and brought them to your hair where he undid the knot securing your braid. He carefully combed through your hair, releasing the now curly bits so you could wash.  
He stared at you as you washed him from your body. You watched as his hands swept over his own skin and soap suds formed in their wake. Neither of you said a word as you cleaned yourselves up.

  
Throwing you a towel, he wrapped one around his waist and paced the small distance from the towel closet to the shower. You ran the towel over your hair and face, then your body. The ache between your legs startled you as you dried off the area. Kylo must have felt your pain as he snapped to look at you as you winced. Convinced you weren’t going to collapse, he began pacing once more. You were as dry as you could manage with one towel so you stepped out of the shower to begin dressing.

  
“Of course, yes…be right there,” he blurted. He disappeared into the hospital room and came back with your uniform.

  
“Thanks…ehm, my underwear?” you said. You were sounding and feeling a bit shy all of a sudden.

  
“They’re mine,” said Kylo, blushing, “if you’ll let me keep them.”

  
The ache between your thighs throbbed as this request brought you pleasure.

  
“If you’ll keep them safe” you replied.

  
Kylo looked from you to the floor.  
“Thank you…for all of it” he said quietly.

  
You felt distant, all of the sudden. This was still a man you did not know, he was still Master Ren, and you understood this would never come to fruition.

  
“No thanks required. Besides, it was my pleasure,” you said comically, trying to choke back sadness.

  
Kylo smirked at you and thumbed the towel at his waist. It seemed he was at war with what to do next.

  
“That’s ok, sir, I’ll leave you to it!” you said with the most synthetic cheerfulness. You turned to exit the bathroom and walked over the threshold.  
His face turned to you pleadingly but resolute.

  
“y/n…” he cooed softly.  
You smiled to him and closed the door. As you spun around to gather yourself and put on your clothes, an overwhelming emptiness washed over you. You picked up your uniform and put it on, grudgingly. You tidied the area and put dirty linen in the laundry chute. You pulled your disheveled hair into a braid and washed any residual makeup off of your face. You heard Kylo rustling around in the bathroom and decided it was time to be a nurse again.

  
You knocked on the door. Kylo did not answer.

  
“Master Ren, I will be back in thirty minutes to assess the healing of your wound,” you stated, into the door, “Until then, please make your way back into bed so I may replenish your fluids.”

  
After you said this, you realized that it was actually quite funny seeing as you both poured sweat over each other for the last hour and a half.  
You slipped on your heels and walked out of his room, the tapping echoing in the emptiness of the med bay.

  
You walked over to the nurses station and saw your coffee, right where you left it, freezing cold at this point. Nothing has changed here.  
You washed the mug and the French press. The station was already so clean, there wasn’t much else to do.

  
You turned on your playlist for when you got bored at work.

  
The first song to play on shuffle was “Every other freckle” by Alt-j. You tapped your toes to the song as you massaged your neck. It hurt a little to sit down, but you were drained of energy. You wanted to pretend everything that just occurred didn’t happen, because if it had never happened, you wouldn’t feel so gutted. Is it possible to love within minutes, hours…seconds? The connection you and Kylo shared…there had never been anything like it.  
You were startled by the whoosh of the automatic door opening from the master suite at the end of the hall. You stood, instinctively, and peered around the corner.  
Heavy boots fell and echoed through the med bay as Kylo Ren swept through and towards the exit.  
“Sir, sir…Master Ren?” you pleaded, “Sir, your wounds may not have healed-“

  
“You have healed me well, y/n,” hissed the mask, “it is probable that I won’t need to come back again.”

  
“Oh,” you understood the meaning and your insides burned, “Well, I am always here if you need me.”

  
You looked to him, holding your own hand and fiddling with your palm nervously. Tears threatened to spill over your bottom eyelid as you looked at the man in all black.  
He nodded towards you and turned around to leave. The door opened to the hallway and Kylo Ren disappeared around the corner.  
The rest of the night moved in centimeters and your heartbeat played you sad tunes.

  
How can anything be normal after this?  
You stared toward the doors of the med bay for a few hours. The digital clock above the entrance brought you back to the present.  
The med bay doors whooshed open without warning.

  
The next shift was approaching and your relief came a bit early to send you to bed.  
Your heart sank as the familiar medical assistant smiled and walked over to the nurses station. You stood with difficulty but said nothing to him or anyone on your way to your square room in the bowels of the ship.

  
You reached a familiar pod with clusters of berthing rooms and quickly found your door with a sticker of a red chili pepper on the metal. It was customary to mark your area with thin magnets or stickers. I twas the only decorating you were allowed on the strict ship.

  
The door opened as your wrist came near the validator, and you slunk into the dimly lit and empty room.  
~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like it or not, you're stuck on this ship. Might as well try to make life a bit easier on yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't think as many people would read this! I will definitely try to get more content out as soon as possible if people still like where the story is going. If you want me to create more, i NEED your validation! Leave me comments if you'd like to see what happens next!

A couple of weeks went by with your head on a swivel. Kylo Ren had not so much as walked past the med bay or made himself known throughout the ship. You were starting to believe that maybe he had left the command, perhaps he requested a transfer…

You pulled back a bit. You knew you were being obsessive about the whole ordeal, but who wouldn’t be? Every second of your encounter with Kylo was as if it had been pulled from some romance novel, and you were fighting to believe it had actually happened.

The amount of mental preoccupation you had to endure was beginning to catch up. You began to forget your lunch hour, your daily medicine logs and checking if vaccinations were up to date. Worst of all, you were forgetting to make your coffee at the beginning of your shift because as soon as you sat down, your mind began to drift.

You jerked back to reality as you heard footsteps echoed in the hallway. You stood behind the nurses station and brushed your hair behind your ear. You wondered how quickly you could tie a braid…

Just then, the door opened with a trooper and an unfamiliar face.

She was smiling, seemingly pleased with being escorted up and down the halls. Her long blonde hair fell over her shoulder in a low pony-tail as she lifted her hand,  
walking over to shake yours.

“Hunter, I presume?”

You exhaled, disappointed that this beautiful new face was not your dark knight in blacked out armor. 

“Yes ma’am,” you squeaked, “that’s my last name.”

She shook your hand gently, but something about the way she carried herself made you believe that she had some authority. Maybe it was also the storm trooper guarding her like a personal bodyguard..

After you broke your handshake, she sighed and looked around at the quiet, lonely med bay. 

“Unfortunately we’ve had quite a few of our medical staff exported to the nearby planet to help with some wounded. Their ship won’t be making it back anytime soon due to the damage caused by the rebellion...you’ve been working this night shift since we found a place for you on board with us and your allegiance appears to have changed for the better. Master Ren himself stated that you did a fine job in mending him after an alien attack, how would you like to move to-”

“I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t know who you are but-”

“Katrin Vendaya,” she interjected, “I manage most of the employment and placement aboard this ship. I...know what happened to your friends. I had announced that we were to recruit friend or enemy medical professionals by any means necessary. Before we sent all the troopers back on the mission to destroy the rebel base we were sustaining too many casualties to treat but..your base...something went wrong. I can’t imagine what it has been like being forced to work here, in the moonlight, alone after what happened. Look, I want to try and give you a bit more of a choice in this matter. We should be receiving a couple more bodies from the expedited triage course, and if you want the shift where you can actually be awake when others are...I can give that to you.”

You looked at her soft features and thought about her offer. How it was going to miraculously make everything better, you didn’t know. Just the idea of a bit of change made you feel hopeful for yourself and your future, so should you jump on the opportunity or is this just the first order using you again?

You stood a bit taller and looked the blonde woman in the eyes. “Ma’am, I will serve this base however you see fit. If you believe that I will be of more use on another shift, so be it. I will earn my keep.”

“Excellent!” she stated clasping her hands. There seemed to be a sense of self gratification in her exclamation. Perhaps she felt pity for you and it made her feel good to do something for someone less fortunate? All you knew is that you’d finally be able to speak to people in the hallways that weren’t patients, and maybe even make a friend…  
“Well, Ms. Hunter, I will send up our new night crew as soon as they’ve passed the course and you should be able to begin opening the clinic shortly after! I believe 3-5 days is about the correct time frame for you to expect them here. You are a vital asset to our team, let me know if you need any other transitional assistance.” She smiled a very pearly white smile and nodded to me. She spun around and looked toward the trooper, then the door, and they were gone. 

Over the next few days you sat and pondered your encounters since you’d been on the ship. You realized you hadn’t made any friendships lasting longer than a lunch hour and you didn’t really feel compelled to try. After Katrin had brought up the catastrophe at your rebellion base, you started to see tiny flashes of red in your vision. Moments where your heart started to pound out of nowhere, and all you could think of was a black figure slashing his light saber into anyone and anything that came into view. You looked down at your forearms and remembered hiding behind a crash cart in the makeshift med bay, your knees close to your chest and your lungs screaming as you held your breath, and your cries….

You realized you had walked all the way to your room, and you were standing right beside the validator. Your hands, now shaking from your memory raised your wrist to the validator. The spot where they injected your chip had scarred, tiny and pink. You only saw it for a moment before your door whooshed open. 

Working in the med bay when everyone was asleep had its perks. For one, all the supplies in the bay like extra pillows and blankets were unmonitored. You looked towards your bed, a foot thicker with all the extra blankets you had taken. Maybe a fluffier bed would catch your heavy heart a little softer. 

Another perk, was that the hot water heaters had been able to generate heat while no one was using them. You wanted to savor your steaming hot showers while you still had a chance. 

Setting down another pillow you had acquired, you began to unbutton your white blouse. Simultaneously, you slipped off your shoes and your feet touched the synthetic and cold floor. The ship always seemed to have a slight chill, so your skin immediately responded, goosebumps forming on your arms, chest, and you felt the familiar tightening of your breasts as your nipples hardened. 

At this realization, you shuffled over to your closet sized bathroom and reached into the standup shower to turn the water on. As soon as the handle was cranked to the right heat setting, you began to unbutton the rest of your shirt. Pulling it out of your skirt, and slipping your skirt down, you flung your clothes into the laundry chute. You were careful to take off your pantyhose, as they rip so easily. Bending over to carefully remove them from your ankles, you stopped dead in your tracks as you heard the door slide open.   
Heavy footfalls, unmistakeable. 

You snapped up, immediately using your arms to cover up however much of your body as you could. You turned to face the room as the steam from the shower began to accumulate. 

There it was, there he was. The source of your terror, longing, and hope. Standing with one fist clenched, and the other positioned right over his light saber, Kylo Ren towered over everything in your room. You stared for only a few seconds too long before you remembered he was intruding, and you were indecent.   
“What the fuck? Turn around! What is this!” you managed.

Kylo contemplated your rudeness for a second before he unclenched his fist and turned his head. You scrambled to grab the towel hanging from the shower door and wrapped it around yourself. 

“Who are you? Who do you THINK you ARE, coming into my room at this hour! What are you thinking? After all that! It’s been like two weeks, don’t think we are a ‘thing’ or something!”you said, your voice catching a bit near the end.

He continued to look in the other direction, remaining silent after your exclamations. The only sound was the rapid shots of water on the walls of the shower. Soothing, inviting, but he ruined it. 

Eventually, his body followed his gaze and he turned away from you completely. 

You saw his hands line up with his mask and the familiar hiss of the release entered the room. He pulled the mask off of his head and his hair cascaded down to his shoulders, jet black and stuck together in pieces with sweat. His gloved hand ran through his hair to smooth it out, and the other gloved hand dropped the mask to the floor unceremoniously. 

You jumped at the unexpected clanking of metal.

“Kylo,” you demanded. 

He stood still, facing away from you. 

You heard his breathing, shallow and irregular.

You slowly inched towards him, one hand occupied by holding up your towel. 

Walking around him to see his face, you saw him staring to the floor, eyes empty. 

“Master Ren,” you attempted to get his attention. He was, after all, intruding in your room while you were undressing for a shower.

“I’ve killed. Hundreds. Maybe more,” he stated blankly. 

You furrowed your brow.

“I’ve destroyed lives, families, homes, bases....planets,” he continued. “I’ve murdered my own family.”

You began to feel fear creeping under your skin once more.

“Kylo, I don’t know what this is but i truly don’t-”

“But i’ve never felt the pain. Never tore into another’s body and felt regret. I never have had to feel what i have made others feel.”

He slowly lifted his gaze from the floor to my chin.

“As soon as we pulled into the ship tonight, I could feel this vibration. This burning in my chest, this adrenaline,” he looked down to his gloved hands which were trembling, then balled them into fists. 

“I felt this...searing in my skull. Like a saber cut me clean in half. I stumbled away from the others to try and be alone. I thought about going to the med bay, to see if i had come into contact with something. As soon as I realized your shift would be over, I came here. I stood by the door for a while, just to be sure you were here. I saw it all.” He pulled his gaze from his confusion to meet your bloodshot eyes.

“Wait, what did you ‘see’?” you said softly.

“I saw you, in the aid station back at your base. I felt your sadness in the very same moments i murdered your friends. I felt your fear, the muscles in your body seizing up with terror. I felt your loathing for me. I felt guilt. I felt loss. I felt you. It reached me the moment I entered the ship, y/n.” He spoke as if every word tasted like venom. 

The emotions you had been choking back came bubbling up into your tear ducts. 

“They were all I had,” you managed to whisper.

He looked away from your eyes as quickly as the emotions came. You saw a glistening at the inner corners of his eyes as well. 

How could you hate a man, be so disgusted by him, yet still want to comfort him and receive love from him? You battled with the memories of your loss and your own confusion with the present. All you wanted from the moment you were taken, was a friend. Someone who knew what had happened and someone who could make you whole. 

You realized that hot tears were streaming down your face and your lips were trembling. 

Kylo Ren blinked away sadness from his gaze and swallowed his emotions. You watched as his throat fought him. He slowly brought his gloved hand to his mouth and pulled them off with his teeth. The gloves fell the the floor as carelessly as the helmet.

His mountainous hands, slightly pink with heat, contrasted with his black armor.

Without looking at you, he began to take off everything from his torso. Piece by piece his belongings fell to the floor. Finally down to his under clothes, he looked at you; wrapped in a towel, panthose still attached to one foot, and your hair falling out of your messy bun, you stood with your chest rising and falling. Wisps of your hair were tickling your shoulders and falling into your eyes. 

Kylo looked down at the ground, then back up to you. He slowly closed the distance between the two of you so that you were level with his chest and he was looking down to you.   
Your mind began to protest but before you could come up with any protest, Kylo’s hand graced your lower back, the other wrapping you in an embrace. He pulled your body flush with his as he rested his chin on the top of your head. You turned your head just a bit to line your right ear up with his chest. You heard his slow and steady heart after a few moments. You began to feel how much his hands were supporting your frame, and how much you had crumbled for him. 

Your mind came back to the sound of the shower and the invitation of heat on your body. 

You released the grip on the towel that was hiding you and broke the embrace. Using your foot to slide the pantyhose off your foot, you turned immediately towards the bathroom. Using one hand behind your back, you released the clasp of your bra and let it fall from your shoulders. 

You walked towards the steaming bathroom and stopped at the shower door. You pulled down your high waisted panties and kicked them gingerly to the side.   
Biting your lip from everything you were feeling, you slowly craned your neck to look at the man in your room. 

He was standing there, his mouth closed and his lips pouty. His hands were clasped at his navel. Once he understood his invitation, he pulled off his black long sleeved undershirt with one hand and began walking towards you, looking like he might need a friend too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Leave me a comment if you'd like to see more on this fic!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cont. 
> 
> Kylo shows up to your room, interrupts your shower, and WHY he did has you feeling confused. What is more confusing is the insatiable desire you feel for this dark-hearted man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. 
> 
> SMUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
> 
> Ok for real this is a real dirty dirt chapter. I hope that all audiences can appreciate these, even if the reader is clearly a female. If y'all want any certain type of content to come up, let me know and I can throw more wrenches or sexy time into this unlikely love story!

Steam from the shower left the bathroom hazy. Swirls of mist danced into your vision as Kylo closed the bathroom door behind him. 

His eyes were bloodshot, dripping with honey and sadness. You felt your own vulnerability as you stood naked in front of him, holding your arm to your side and breathing in your chest. Kylo’s black undergarments taunted you as he stood in front of you, his massive frame taking up so much space in your small bathroom. 

You got the courage to move. Lifting your hand to your ponytail, tugging on your hair until it fell at your shoulders. You looked back to him hoping you were keeping his attention, praying that the sight of you was as desirable as you thought he was. You saw him swallow once more, when he scanned your body from feet to forehead. 

Kylo slowly knelt down in front of you, which you didn’t expect. Looking down at Kylo Ren on his knees, head down with his hair hanging in front of his eyes, you felt pity and a need to comfort him. As you thought this, his hands gently grasped both of your ankles. He moved his head slowly to align his mouth with your right thigh. His hands were moving steadily up and down, massaging your calves as he kissed your thigh from the outside, toward the inside. 

You remembered the longing you had felt between your legs. Remembered how hot his kisses were and how they left you burning for him. You let out a small purr of satisfaction as your hand came to rest on his shoulder, the other gently massaging his hair. 

Kylo continued to kiss your thigh, getting close enough to your sweet spot to force little moans from your mouth. He switched between the right and left thigh, his kisses a bit harder, always grazing your apex with his lips and breath.

For a few more moments, Kylo continued to tease you, his hands moving farther up your legs now to massage your ass. He gripped your skin tightly as he reached up and pulled on you with need. Finally, you could not take the teasing any longer. You pulled your body backwards against the shower for stability and lifted your right leg to prop it on a nearby towel holder. Kylo’s eyelids were heavy as he watched you position yourself for what you wanted. 

Your hands reached down to massage the ache between your legs, looking at Kylo as your small fingers got to work. 

Kylo, still on his knees, sat back to watch you pleasure yourself. You were looking at him, his muscles contracting at every movement, his chest heaving as you moaned his name.   
Your eyes drew down to the black fabric still concealing him. 

Take them off.

Your thought came immediately and naturally. Kylo’s left eyebrow raised ever so slightly and he swallowed once more. His bicep twitched and one hand slowly worked the fabric until just his cock was free. 

You closed your eyes at the sight of him, hard. Heat was building in your belly as your fingers worked faster by the recent inspiration. You opened your eyes to Kylo stroking himself, his mouth slightly open and his eyes fixed on you. 

Words were not exchanged as you both used the sight of each other for your pleasure. Kylo was humming in the back of his throat as one of your hands reached up your body to massage your own breasts. You were getting so close, everything that you were seeing made you feel so good. Kylo’s hands slowed on himself as he watched you. His cock didn’t budge as his hands came to the floor to crawl closer to you. 

Crawl.

As he reached you, a smirk appeared at the corner of his mouth and disappeared quickly as he began to kiss your hips and beneath your navel. 

His hands gripped your ass hard now that he was close again. Your hands never stopped rubbing small circles into your clit, and your breathing came more quickly.

Kylo’s hands moved from your ass to the tops of your thighs, then just as quickly you felt your working hand slam into the shower door. 

Kylo looked to your hand then to your face. When your eyes were both locked, he slowly lowered his mouth to do the work your fingers slaved away for. 

The feeling of Kylo’s hot mouth against your clit was more than you could take. You felt like you might fall as he began drawing circles with his tongue against you. One of his hands moved to your hip to keep you stable while the other snuck between your legs. 

Your free hand came to his hair immediately, pushing back any strands that might have fallen in his face. You threw your head back and moaned as one of his fingers began to slide into you. You could feel the wetness you cultivated covering his finger as he gently moved in and out. His tongue movements became more rhythmic as you felt his hand leave your hips and give attention to his needy cock. 

As you watched his massive hands stroke, you felt a wave of pleasure rock through your body and set you on fire. You felt a bead of sweat trace the contour of your cheekbone as you began to feel your legs shake. You gripped Kylo’s hair tightly and let out the loudest moan yet. Kylo’s mouth began sucking as his tongue drew faster circles and his index finger gently rocked inside you. 

You didn’t stand a chance. You began to whimper as the wave came.

I’m coming, Kylo.

You couldn’t get out any words as the heat in your belly exploded, sending wetness between your legs. You felt yourself clenching on Kylo’s finger and you moaned as your body convulsed. Kylo’s mouth didn’t quit, he only maintained a steady tempo as you slightly bucked your hips toward him. Your grip on his hair was keeping his head where you wanted it. 

His lips stopped sucking and his tongue stopped circling. You opened your eyes to see Kylo’s hands working himself quickly and harshly. He gripped his cock tightly and you watched as his hands reached the head and drew back down. Your body was shaking as you were coming down from the high, but the wetness would not stop coming.   
Kylo kissed the apex of your legs with his plush lips and drew his head down to look at you again. He sat back on his legs and supported himself with one arm. Kylo was knelt on your floor, jerking off to the sight of you after he made you come. 

You looked at his body, his cock turning more and more red as he got harder and closer to coming. 

You had a hard time pulling your eyes away from him, but you turned yourself to open the shower. 

Take it all off, come inside.

If Kylo could hear your thoughts and feel you, he would follow. You reached into the shower and turned the shower head to face the opposite wall. The water was still hot and steaming which was a surprise by how long it had been running.

As you stepped inside the shower, you turned around to see Kylo pulling his black undergarments from his muscular legs. He kicked them to the side and ran a hand through his hair. His chest was splotched red and his breathing was heavy. The hardness between his legs must have been hard to say no to as it was throbbing and massive.   
The water running down the side of the shower kept everything warm as Kylo stepped inside and closed the door. With just enough room for the two of you, you began to back yourself into the corner. Water ran down your back and the side of your body. 

Kylo looked at you and the water running down your curves. You saw his cock throb out of the corner of your eye. His arms reached towards you and you lifted your arms to wrap around his neck and shoulders. 

You embraced each other. You managed to get your arms around him by standing on your tippy toes, and this caused his erection to slip between your legs. You held each other for a moment, kissing his shoulder and neck, attempting to work your way up to his ear. 

You heard him hum from the back of his neck again. He throbbed between your legs and this made you more wet than before. You pulled your face from his neck to look at him. The hands supporting your lower back slid to support beneath your ass. You looked at his lips as your eyes scanned his face. His honey eyes, heavily lidded, were searching for your irises. 

You moved your chin upwards to bring your lips to his and closed your eyes. In that moment, the hands that rested under you, were pulling you upwards. Your arms held his shoulders more tightly as Kylo lifted you up to hold you. You wrapped both of your legs around his waist and felt his cock poke into you.   
Both of his hands were beneath your ass, holding you steady. Your mouths were still connected, and you began kissing him harder. You tightened your legs to raise yourself up for his cock. 

It fell free from where it became trapped between your bodies and bobbed up to hit you right in the apex of your legs.   
You let out a moan, separating your lips and Kylo furrowed his brow. One of his arms adjusted to hold more of your weight as his other hand reached down behind your bodies to direct himself where he wanted. 

You looked between your bodies as he found his way. You felt the hotness of his skin at your opening, and how wide he was. You closed your eyes, remembering the first time his full size entered you. How you rode him slowly and felt every inch of his cock pushing inside of you.   
You closed the gap between your bodies and held onto him tightly as his hips pushed into you. He wasn’t entering you fully and his little gasps let you know he wanted you badly.   
Push me against the wall.

As soon as you thought this, Kylo slowly stepped towards the wall of the shower and pushed you against it. His arms gripped you tight as he began to push his hips into you once more. He buried his face in your neck as you held him close. 

You felt him splitting you open this time, but it felt so good. You were swollen, wet. You waited for this.

As he pushed deeper into you, you could feel your wetness helping him go further. 

You felt his mouth open and heard his whimpers muffled by your neck. You gripped him as hard as possible when his hips met your body. He was all the way inside you, throbbing, hard. A few moments went by with him holding you like this. You felt full, whole. You were connected by breathing and by bodies. Just Kylo, in you. 

He began to rock his hips into you, his cock moving gently back and forth. He pulled his head out from your protection and gripped you harder. 

His movements began to quicken and you looked into each others eyes. He was pushing you into the wall, causing little jolts of movement. His mouth was open, his eyes focused on yours. His lips were trembling as his hips pushed harder and his fingertips gripped into your thighs. A bead of sweat formed at his hairline and he scanned the view of your bodies connected. He furrowed his brow and began bucking his hips into you, harder. 

You let out little moans as his size slid in and out of you almost at full length now. 

He threw his head back and groaned. 

One of his hands came to your breast and he brought his lips to your forehead. He continued to fuck against the wall but his hands became softer. He was kissing the top of your head and your cheekbone. Soon, Kylo’s forehead was against yours, his movements less aggressive. You were both looking between your bodies, one of his hands supporting your body and the other now behind you, holding the back of your neck. 

You both closed your eyes. You could feel Kylo going slower but his cock was throbbing in you. 

He began to pull out more, and thrust in harder but slower. He wanted you to feel every single inch. 

You moaned his name after the fifth time he did this. 

You felt his arm shaking beneath you and his grip on your neck tighten. 

He began to rock into you without creating too much distance. You wrapped your arms sweetly around his neck and lined up your lips. His breath was coming quickly on your mouth and the sweat from his forehead transferred to yours. 

He pushed harder and harder. You were whimpering as he entered deeper and deeper. 

Soon Kylo was panting. He adjusted his stance to make you flush with the wall again, held onto your leg and your sides as he rocked into you deeply.   
You looked into his face as his eyes met yours, his brows furrowed and his lips plush and opened. 

You knew it was happening for him as it had for you. The sight of each other like this made you clench up around him. This must have sent him over the edge as he pushed in deeply and stopped, allowing strong throbs of his cock to pulse inside you. He groaned and thrust his head back into your neck space as he rocked in and out in gently, coming inside of you. 

You felt his panting and held him close as he poured into you once more. 

~

Moments went by as you held each other. Your hand stroking Kylo’s hair as his breathing returned to normal in your neck. You felt safe as his hands never loosened their grip on your body. You felt him push his lips into your neck, giving you goosebumps.  
“Hi,” you whispered close to his ear. 

You smiled as he lifted his head, hair stuck to his face from sweat. Releasing one hand from his neck, you carefully pushed the hair out of the way.

“Hi.” he breathed. 

He pushed into you to secure you against the wall as he slowly released your legs. You steadied yourself while he slid out from inside you. 

You hissed through your teeth, not from pain, but from the pressure.

Kylo placed both of his hands on your hips and looked at you with concern. 

“I’m ok, i’m ok,” you said softly. 

Kylo swallowed and ran one hand through his hair to get it out of the way. He then reached up and directed the shower head toward the both of you. You watched as water ran over his torso, his legs, feet. 

You felt his hands at your shoulder and he directed you to turn around. He began stroking your hair as the shower enveloped you. His mountainous hands carefully massaged your scalp as you let him take care of you in the shower once more.

~  
You must have used all the hot water in the galaxy by the end of your shower. 

You and Kylo took turns massaging soap into each others skin and eventually making out for a few seconds. 

When you were finished, Kylo grabbed two fresh towels from the container near the shower door. First he wrapped you in a towel, making sure you had a good grip on it before he began drying himself off. 

You started to remember the way you had left each other on your first encounter, in the bathroom after a shower, as robotic as you could muster. You started to accept your feelings of abandonment, began to run through scenarios where you could to to make him stay. 

When the thought became a sadness, Kylo looked up from his attempt at securing the way-too-small towel around his body and searched your face.   
You realized you were scowling, bracing for the moment he’d make you accept his abandonment. 

You didn’t yet know why you felt such a magnetic need for Kylo Ren. He had made terrible, unforgivable choices. He murdered the entire rebellion stationed at your base, save you. He continued to act in this way towards other rebellion bases whom you had lost all contact with. You were so far removed from what meant anything to you, but you knew he was out there destroying it all. 

Yet still, it was enigmatic. 

He was the most natural thing you had ever experienced. When he was near, you could not fight the gravitational pull between you. You had felt it the moment you saw his eyes.   
Only a few seconds went by as these thoughts zipped around your skull. You looked up towards Kylo and began to speak. 

“I want you to-”you started.

“You know that I can’t stay with you here.” He rejected you more quickly than you anticipated, and you felt your cheeks get hot.

You let out a small huff of frustration.

“Ok so it’s fine for you to go sneaking around these quarters but you can’t ‘stay’ here? Kylo, I can’t keep having these ‘things’ with you...I have feelings you know.” Your words came out short and you didn’t know how to process him telling you no, right after everything that just happened. 

He looked to the bathroom floor and back up. He moved towards the door and opened it for you both. The air in your room was freezing compared to the heat created in the small bathroom. You felt the heat leaving your skin and the rejection from Kylo left you feeling even more cold. You shuffled out of the bathroom with a heavy heart towards your bed piled with stolen pillows and blankets. 

Over on your nightstand, you looked at the pajamas that you had set out for yourself before you left for work. You started to feel bad that you even thought for a second he would stay with you tonight.

You heard him shut the bathroom light off and close the door behind him. The only light in the room was an orange glow from a light in the corner of the room. It cast enough light to see everything bathed in amber.

You turned to face Kylo who had managed to put on his undergarments, minus his shirt. 

You picked up your pajama shorts and slipped them on with your towel covering your body. You refused to look Kylo in the eye. 

Kylo began walking towards you, but feeling stubborn, you began to backup to maintain some distance. 

He began taking longer strides to counter your stubbornness, and he pulled something from behind his back. 

Kylo was unraveling his undershirt as he walked you into your bed. The back of your legs hit the cold bed frame and you decided to sit back onto it. 

Kylo set the unfolded shirt on the bed next to you and used one hand to tug away the towel secured at your chest. Before you could protest, you were nude again. Your arms came up to hide your breasts but his hands settled on your wrists as he thrust your arms upwards. 

You felt stupid with your arms sticking straight up but your heart was warming at the sight of Kylo Ren adjusting the undershirt to make sure it was going on you the right way. He positioned the shirt at your hands, pulled your head through the opening and slid it down onto you. The shirt was massive and loose on you, but you could smell Kylo as it passed down your face. 

You looked at him as he was adjusting the end of the shirt when his eyes met yours. He left his hands on your waist as he inched his face forward to kiss you. You welcomed his warm lips and lowered your arms around his neck. 

Before you knew it, Kylo had reached under your arms and pulled you up. He picked you up as he had in the shower and sat on the bed with you on his lap. 

You kissed him gently, holding your hand beneath his jaw, allowing him to rub your back. 

You pulled away. “I don’t know why, but I want you to stay,” you stated blankly.

You saw him consider your face for a moment when he sighed gently.

“I want to stay,” he replied. 

Then why the fuck don’t you? You’re fucking Kylo Ren, no one is going to ask you what you were doing.

“I don’t expect you to understand what I must and mustn’t do,” he said cooly, “and there are certainly people who demand to know what I’m doing at all times.”

You scrunched up your face at this. 

“Why did you even take the risk then? Why come to my assigned room and force me to be ok with all this when no one else would be?” you snapped.

“Because no one else is you,” he said plainly.

You didn’t know what to think of the whole situation. You found yourself wanting to BE with Kylo. Wanting to hold his hand in your room, sit in the amber glow and talk about your feelings?? What the fuck was happening? Did you develop some sort of psychological disorder from post traumatic stress? This is not real life…

Your hair began to curl into little waves as it dried. Kylo swept stray pieces behind your ear and you found it hard to scowl. 

His gaze was intense, and for a few moments you both just sat there, breathing in each others company. 

“I have to go,” he said with finality. 

You accepted the words and the situation as you began to feel exhaustion creeping back into your body. You hugged him tightly for a second and he stood with you still held against him. You let your feet hang loose as he hugged you back for a moment and then he set you down. 

You both pulled away and locked eyes for a split second. You regretted that you couldn’t lead a normal life with a man who would want to take you on dates, show you off, hold your hand and eventually spend the night with you. Instead you were thrust into a confusing love life with broken Kylo Ren, who could hear your thoughts and feel your feelings like vibrations? You wondered if he felt your abandonment and if that would be enough to make him stay...

You pulled out a section of your blankets so you could slip into bed. You could hear Kylo fastening his armor and securing his boots as you entered the bed slowly. You were welcomed by the extra padding and warmth of all your blankets and pillows, not feeling the full exhaustion until your whole body was supported by the mattress. 

When you looked over, Kylo was picking up his helmet. He placed it underneath his arm as he turned to you. You were lying on the bed, your hair curling slightly around your face, eyes tired and drowning in the black fabric of Kylo’s undershirt. 

Gazing up at him through sleepy eyes, you could barely make out his face now that he was covered in black once more. As he got closer, you could make out his stark cheekbones and pale face. Using his free hand, he managed to pull the blankets up to your neck carefully. Kneeling slightly, Kylo lined up his mouth with your ear. 

“I don’t understand any of it either. You’re the one weakness I didn’t know I possessed. Meet me in solar simulation 24.C in 5 days, 0300 hours. I realize you’ll be working a different shift, so if you do not come I will understand. I will be working near the medbay to ensure that if you need me, I can hear you,” he whispered. His lips grazed your cheek as he stood back up. You closed your eyes as sleep began to overpower you. 

In the quiet of the room, you heard the hiss of his helmet locking into place. He turned and walked out of the room as swiftly as he would have anywhere else. But before you could think anything of the night, sleep stole you from reality…  
~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK FOR REAL
> 
> KYLO GAVE YOU HIS UNDERSHIRT
> 
> KYLO TUCKED YOU IN
> 
> KYLO JUST GAVE YOU THE BOMBEST HEAD GAME
> 
> COME ONE PEOPLE, GIVE ME SOME COMMENTS!
> 
> What was your favorite bit? Would you like to see more? Referring to the beginning note, is there any elements of star wars that you'd like to see in here specifically? Throw some ideas at me and I'll try and incorporate them! Hope everyone had fun reading, cause i definitely had fun creating! Thanks for your support!


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